John has stayed behind in California to finish up his quarter at school while I’ve been in Utah with the babies playing with my family the last two weeks. He’ll be joining us tomorrow and we are dizzy with excitement. It has been hard to be away from each other for so long (our longest stretch ever!) but we have tried to keep our sanity with lots of Skype dates, texts and phone calls. While I’ve been missing him like crazy, this post isn’t actually about him.
Yesterday I opened up a Christmas card from the family of one of John’s best friends. As I held the photo of the family of 14 in my hands, I began to weep uncontrollably. I was looking upon the most beautiful site. Two people who felt the calling to foster, adopt and raise so many in addition to their own biological children. I knew why I was crying. I wanted that. I wanted that so badly but feel in my heart my years for creating that sort of opportunity are way behind me. In other words, I’m too old. I’m too old to have the family I have always imagined. Maybe that’s not 14 babies, but it’s a lot of babies, and since I got started later in life than I thought I would I feel like I don’t have enough time to have all of my babies. James started crying once he realized I was crying and he cried out, “Mommy, why are you crying???” I told him,
“I’m crying because I feel like there are more brothers and sisters of yours in heaven and I miss them. We’re not together, and it hurts.”
John assures me that he’s not worried about having/adopting all of our children, that we have time even if I do go through an early menopause (as in, 37) like the women in my family do. And there’s a little sparkle of hope and peace in my heart when he says that. But even if that’s true, until we are all together, my heart aches a little and I just miss my babies.
The above illustration of Mary and Baby Jesus is being provided for you all as a free printable for a little Christmas present from us. It’s 5×7 and would work great framed or as a Christmas card! Click here to download. Mary and Baby Jesus