We had a discussion in Church today about beams and motes and what our spiritual blind spots are that keep us from recognizing what specific beams are in our own eyes. It was truly enlightening. I realized that beams can take on so many forms–from judging to insecurities to strengths, etc. I’ve learned a lot about myself here in California–things I didn’t know I needed to learn but that I am so grateful I have. I didn’t realize the insecurities and self-worth issues I really had until I got here and feel so much better all of the sudden. Things I would have over-analyzed about myself in the past are simply cute characteristics of me that make me different and likable. I just feel like differences are celebrated here more than anywhere I’ve been. Not to put my home down or anything, there just seems to be more diversity here. Maybe it’s really my own fault and says a lot more about me than my home, the fact that I haven’t sought out a ton of diversity in the past. But here, it’s just been sort of handed to me and it’s really sort of set my insecure cookie-cutter heart free and molded it into something multi-dimensional and deeper. I don’t project my own insecurities as reasons for people to not like me, which was a big spiritual blind spot for me in the past. It’s like I used to think of reasons to excuse people for not liking me, or for not expecting them to. It kept me from seeing how God really sees me and it kept me from progressing. But now I think I get why God loves me so much. I can step back from the ways I’ve felt I haven’t fit in or measured up and I can see that I’m sort of an awesome person.
Also, a little less meaningful, but both of my babies were in bed before 7:00 tonight and I am just really, really, reeeeeaaaaaaally grateful for that.
1. my family // 2. words // 3. outside // 4. compartmentalizing // 5. drunk babies // 6. black charcoal // 7. naughties // 8. sneaky treats // 9. mercy // 10. grins // 11. movement // 12. pseudo moms // 13. in-laws // 14. miracles // 15. roots // 16. survival mode // 17. start overs // 18. naptime // 19. prayers // 20. Stewart // 21. disconnecting // 22. blind spots // 23. bedtime