Year One, Charlie John.

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My pregnancy with Charlie was the most spiritually engrossed time of my life.  I was hemorrhaging and could have gone into labor at any moment, resulting in a miscarriage.  Not only was it terrifying to be bleeding, it was terrifying to think of what my body was doing to my perfectly healthy, precious baby boy inside of me.  And there was nothing I could do.  I had no control whatsoever.  So I turned all the control over to Heavenly Father, which is a humorously simplified explanation of what I went through during this uncertain time.  Every morning I awoke with the faint thought in my mind “maybe this will be the day I lose my baby.”  But in spite of that cutting whisper—there was peace.  So much peace.  Not because I was convinced of it all working out in this life, but because of my knowledge of what happens after this life, and how it all goes hand in hand to form Life.  My pregnancy with Charlie was such a gift to my soul.  I learned more about myself, my foundation, my origin, my strength and my God than I have ever dreamed of learning.  Charlie is only a year now, yet he has already given me the greatest gift I have ever received: perspective.  It doesn’t seem as present, now that he is here and we are enjoying him and don’t have any immediate worries.  But it’s there, and I cling to it.  Because when something hard does happen, my new perspective will comfort me like a fluffy downy blanket on my heart.  A blanket that Charlie has given me just through existing and allowing me opportunities to reconnect with Heaven.  And here we are, one miraculous year later, reconnecting with Heaven every day.  Happy Birthday, my Sweet.  

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