Walls.

I have been thinking about walls lately.  Like a lot of women out there, I struggle with self doubt and insecurities way more than I let on here on this web space.  I have personal walls that seem to define me at times–I’m not good enough at this, I don’t look like that, I’m failing at this, I can’t afford that…. (WHY DO WE DO THIS???)  Lately I feel like I have been trying so hard at certain things but I still fall short.  And there have been a handful of things all at once that have been discouraging me so it’s hard to feel like I’m good at much these days.  I know there are things I’m good at, of course, but in my heart I tend to bury them under that things I wish I were better at.  I’m working on trying to build myself up, though, and am trying to motivate myself to remember that so many failings have to come before successes.  Until then, and always, I am trying to magnify the blessings in my life.

 

I have a darling husband who adores me and shows me so much tender affection and admiration.

 

I have two sons who light up my life in a sacred and hilariously fun way.

 

I believe in God and know He believes in me, too.

 

I am full of a fierce love for my people.

 

I am healthy, physically strong, and able-bodied.

 

My blessings are not lost on me, believe me.  I cling to them with white knuckles!  I know how good I have it and I don’t want to sound ungrateful.  I think we all go through phases like this, though, where we don’t feel good enough in one way or another.  I just need to learn to be more merciful and patient with myself.

 

Anyway, I think that’s all I’ll say for now.