28/30 Things: Love Language

{To know what I’m talking about, and to see past 30 Things posts, go –here-…}

28. What is your love language?

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Just to clarify, I haven’t read the book but my understanding is that there is the love language in which you communicate and the one in which you need love communicated to you.  People say they are usually the same, but I think mine are different, so we’ll start with the way I need love from my husband communicated to me…
from our honeymoon to San Diego, 2009
Had I written this post a year ago like I was scheduled to, I would have answered this question completely differently than I will today.  I would have said something like “words of affirmation” or “quality time,” but those feel too formal to me now.  While those things are important to me (and to any marriage), I have learned so much about myself and my confidence in my marriage this past year and now know that those things only contribute to my actual love language, which isn’t even an official love language at all:
FRIENDSHIP.
It sounds so over simplified and sort of obvious, but the realization that this is my love language has changed the way I look at marriage wholly and completely.  Friendship is the way I need John to communicate his love to me.  When I finally realized that, I was able to talk about it with John and our marriage has deepened and matured and, I feel, has become more secure.  Not to mention more fun!  And honestly, when we nurture our friendship, every other aspect of our marriage is a kajillion times better (I’m talking EVERY other aspect, people!) and our union truly does feel like the heaven on earth that God intended for it to be.  Of course John has been my best friend since the moment we decided to date exclusively, but actually focussing on nurturing a true friendship and laughing together and at each other and goofing off here and there and just not taking life or each other or ourselves too seriously has set our marriage a flight!  Friendship equals romance in my book.  Plus, home is such a sacred place when we actually treat each other like friends instead of family.  That might sound weird, but think about it…..we are so much nicer to our friends than our family because our family has to stick around no matter what….but our friends don’t have to.  We’ve got to give them incentive to stay!  As a result, we are usually more conscientious of how our tone sounds or how we word things or about our topics of conversation, etc. when we are around friends.  Family relationships would only benefit if we did the same in them!
And now, for the way I communicate love for others.  I guess it’s kind of the same type of thing, but to put it in one word I would say:
SERVICE.
I feel like I live to take care of my people.  Plus I have an arsenal of delicious recipes, so I usually end up communicating my love through making food for people.  John most certainly does not complain!  I do know, though, that John’s love language is physical affection, so I try to focus on giving him that as much as possible.
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Tune in next time: What do you think people misunderstand most about you?