I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what motivates me to blog. You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been that consistent for the past, oh, year or so (or you may not even care, which is totally okay). I get major bad writers block when I’m pregnant and I still haven’t gotten the fire back. In my emotional absence, though, I’ve thought a lot about social media and what it sort of represents to me and I’ve wondered recently if I even want to get the fire back. It’s been a little bit of a battle in my heart, actually. I love this blog for what it means to my family. I am so grateful for and proud of my little family and this blog is such a treasure trove of memories, new and old, to us. But I’m really having a hard time with the idea of social media lately. Is it just me, or are we all totally obsessed with ourselves?!? Ha. And is it just me, or is that totally dumb!?
And yet here I am. I love blogging. I love this little treasure trove. But when John and I decided to try to build it in pursuit of a little extra income, I became (immaturely) preoccupied with how many views I was getting each day and how many new followers I got, bla bla bla. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because this blog has really humbled me and brought such wonderful people in my life, but I let myself get too caught up in it and let it turn me inward and I became more self consumed than was healthy. I’ve been battling those natural feelings my whole life, and I didn’t want to feed into it any more than my insecurities already do. So I’ve taken a few steps back and have done a lot of self reflection. If I’m a blogger (by definition: someone who is endearingly self-absorbed enough to plaster her life all over the interwebs for the world to judge) who doesn’t want to buy into the self-consumed social media phenomenon anymore, what’s a girl to do? Why do I even blog at all? I got this blog, so what now. I don’t want to walk away, I’ve worked really hard trying to build a space I’m proud of. I just want to find my motivation again. Pure, innocent motivation–not driven by desire to be heard or seen or known. I don’t assume that I have anything inspirational to say, but I do have stuff I want to say. I just need to reclaim my brain and figure out a way to say it.
I’ve decided though, that I’m going to simplify. Everything. My life, my lifestyle, my expectations from others and myself, my parenting, my faith. So I guess the whole point of this post is to just let you know that things are going to get more simple around here, and I’m excited. I think it’ll be good.
For me, at least.