To say that it’s been a long few weeks would be an understatement. My family has been experiencing a few bumps in the road (that makes them sound cute…) that are pulling at our heartstrings, and to top it off I found a lump the other week that has sent me down a road of uncertainty and angst. Turns out it was, in fact, a tumor. So I had to get a biopsy and wait for what seemed to be years (it was only one day…) to discover my fate. Luckily it was benign, but this whole experience has gotten me thinking about my life and what I want to do with it and experience from it. After all, I may not have breast cancer, but the reality is that life is fragile even for the healthy, as my sweet family knows all too well.
As I tried to stay collected during the waiting process, my thoughts betrayed me and naturally wandered to what would happen if we got bad news. I thought of how I would tell my family and friends. I thought of what it would be like to lose my hair. I thought of how sick I would feel during treatment. I even thought of my sweet baby James without me for his mother as he grew up. I actually didn’t worry too much about that one, though, because I knew he would have John William for a father still and with that he would be set, no matter what. But being faced with these life queries really puts things into perspective. And it has reiterated in my heart what I have known all along:
I have a beautifully abundant life.
First of all, I have my Prince.
John William is more patient, more compassionate, more unselfish than any of you will ever, ever know–even those of you who think you know him well. He adores me with all that is in him and he consciously works to show me how he feels and to contribute 100% to our relationship and family. He is a man of honor and integrity and I can trust that he will always–ALWAYS–do the right thing in the eyes of God. I love him so desperately.
Then, there’s my precious boy.
My sweet, sweet, precious son James. How did I feel and love and live before I knew you! You not only bring Light into our world, you ARE our world. You make everything better, everything brighter, and everything truer. Your big blue eyes have given me new eyes to view life with. I am so proud to be your mother.
I have my family, too.
Full of fun, empathy, dignity, and faith. We are fiercely loyal to each other and to God and will and have and do help each other through the hardest of trials. My family has shaped me into the woman I am today, and inspires me continually to become even more and to bring honor to our name. I love my family so very, very much.
And I have my in-laws.
Whoever said in-laws were people you just have to put up with has never met mine. I have quickly come to learn that I am the one the in-laws have to (get to? don’t answer that…) put up with, and they do it with a full heart and not the faintest hesitation of calling me their own blood. They are just such. good. people. and have made a saint out of my husband through their faith and courage and patience. And I’ll tell you this right now, there is no one in the world like my mother-in-law. She is one of my heros and inspirations and I would do anything for her.
Most of all, I have my Lord.
My Lord and my Savior and my King. Because of Him I know I can face anything. We may have evaded the trial of cancer right now, but He still gave me the strength and courage to embrace it if it were to come, and to have grace and humility to endure no matter what. He gently corrects me and faithfully attends me and I know He is real and He lives to comfort and guide me. And you, too.