Puddles

 
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I sat in front of the television, trapped in my head by frustration with a needy and overly-clingy son, trying to focus on the program my Prince and I had set out to enjoy together after a long day apart.  But my angst and annoyance became too much and I surrendered to it, taking it out on John William.  He compassionately asked me what was wrong, and I gave him the short, defiant answer of, “NOTHING.”  But he could see right through me.  He always does.  
 
I escaped to the bathroom after our show was over, thinking it would keep me from the impending duties as a solo parent that evening as my teammate tended to church obligations away from us.  I stood staring in the mirror at my reflection, wondering if I was ever going to be the mother I had always hoped to be.  
 
A gentle knock interrupted my silent criticizings.  John poked his head in and timidly approached me with open arms and warm but empathetic eyes.  
“I love you so much,” he whispered to me as he took me in his arms–the only place I ever wanted to be.  But our embrace was cut short as he began preparing to leave us for the evening.
 
I began to meander around our home, feeling empty from what the day required of me, dreading the few hours that lay ahead.  Until I heard it:
 
Raindrops on our windows.
 
And I knew what I needed to do.
 
I burst out to my Prince, “I’m taking James on a walk!”
 
“But it’s raining…”
 
“That’s why we’re going on a walk.  I need to be in the rain.”
 
So we bundled up and bid our father and husband farewell as we went our separate ways, out into the elements.  
 
And immediately I was filled again.
 
The smell.  The sounds.  The crisp air flooding my lungs.  
 
I was secretly wishing that a passing car would drive through a puddle nearby, drenching us from head to toe.  But there was no such luck.  That’s not to say we didn’t get drenched, though.  And cars did drive by, but not without stopping and asking if we needed a ride.  The faces of the drivers were confused and delighted when I explained that we were out in that weather by choice.  I think they were secretly jealous, too.  Jealous of our little walk together, in the rain, just James and his mama.  And the puddles. The sweet little puddles that washed my woes away and helped this mama remember just how good she really has it. 
 
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7 comments

  1. Jules Whitley says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. My husband also works in ministry and we have a baby boy as well. I COMPLETELY understand that way you feel when it gets time for him to leave and you become a single parent. At times I feel overwhelmed but you are right, at times we forget how good we have it.

  2. Ben & Cassie says:

    This is such a great post, thanks for your honesty! I don’t have kids yet but I know what days like this feel like, nothing like walking in the rain to cheer you up….and man that baby is adorable!

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