I’ve learned a lot about myself this week. I’ve realized in a very mature way that I am quite self-centered. Let me explain: More than once in the recent past I have concluded that certain people in my life are mad at me and don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, because I haven’t heard from them after trying to extend myself to them several times. Well, a few days ago I learned that these people are going through an incredibly difficult trial–which didn’t even cross my mind. I just jumped to making it about me instead of considering making it about them. It’s helped me remember that everyone has their secret struggles of the soul and that I should keep that in mind more often before thinking they think about me so much that they make their lives about me. I’m a loser!
Jake and Taci, my bro and his wifey, are in town this week from California. I just love having them here. Jake has an amazing website and is kind of my sensei when it comes to all things technological. They brought a friend who is interested in our Church so there will be a lot of site-seeing in the downtown Salt Lake area over the next few days: Temple Square, The Lion House, The Joseph Smith Memorial Building, the new City Creek Center . . . should be great.
I guess a couple people didn’t like a few ideas from this post that I posted a little while ago. And while I don’t feel like I have to explain my marriage to anyone, I do think I’ve invited you into a little part of it by sharing bits on this blog, so I guess I’m kinda asking for comments like that. And I feel like you deserve a clear picture portrayed of my life, since you are so sweet as to follow along in my adventures and geekiness. So as far as John and I go, we personally feel that it is a sign of respect for our spouse if we carefully monitor our interactions with members of the opposite sex. It’s not that we don’t trust each other to have friends [in fact, you’ll recall in that post that I mentioned a male friend of mine…yup, I got em, believe it or not]. We just figured, hey, we’re married now, and it’s awesome, so I don’t need those bridges anymore, so we voluntarily got rid of a lot of our contacts. Plus, if we don’t monitor our behavior with members of the opposite sex when our marriage is great, why would we be motivated to do that if things are hard, when we’re more vulnerable to emotionally stray anyway? Anyway, it works for us, at least.
While I had the realization this past week that I am super self-centered, I also had the opportunity to give a lot of my time and emotion to others. I gave my mom a makeover a few days ago and she was on cloud 9 afterwards. I haven’t seen her that perky in a long time–and I’ve NEVER seen her do the model walk like that! She looked smokin’ hot. It was so much fun for both of us. I’ve also been helping my sister learn a few Weight Watchers techniques so that we can be healthy and moderate together. It’s really enhanced our individual happiness and our relationship with each other. I feel closer to her than I ever have before.
It’s funny, I spent the first 6 months of James’ life paranoid that my milk would dry up, and now that I’m trying to ween him off nursing it won’t dry up for the life of me! It’s made me rethink whether or not we’re ready to do it. I think I’ll be really sad when that day comes. [As my son bites my boob and rips out a huge chunk of my hair…]
Our week in photos, care of Instagram:
Breezie’s 1st birthday/James in a stinking cute hat
Tanner’s birthday dinner/ playing cousins
James’ doing some nakey yoga/nock-off J. Crew bracelet for less than $3
Dining out [same place as last week]/Festival of Colors!
I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness this week–what makes it, what keeps us from having it, how we feel without it, how we feel with it, what true happiness should be centered in. And the thing that I’ve learned in my reflection is that I am so. incredibly. happy. Because I choose to be. Yes, I struggle with discouragement and even depression and angst at times, but I am getting so much better at emotion-coaching myself in the direction of happiness and gratitude. I feel indescribably blessed that I have learned this at such a young age. Sure I was happy when I was growing up and as a teenager, but that was because life was so easy and innocent back then. Now that I’m in the thick of real, big-girl life, I have to choose happiness so much more often, and it’s a huge relief that I can.