Declaration:

I have been blogging for over 2 and a half years now.  It has been such an incredible outlet for me.  I’ve always journaled, but blogging has allowed me to share my insights into life and connect on an emotional level with a lot of other people who have given me feedback and shared similar insights.  It’s validating and empowering to know there are other people out there who have some of the same feelings you’ve had.  It has also allowed me to feel close to people who are special to me, even though they may live far away.

My blog has been so important to me.  In the past I only blogged when I had something burning inside of me to share, so I was always proud of the content.  I had no desire to try to “build my following” because I didn’t want to have to worry about what an audience wanted to read.  I just wanted to write what was inside of me.  So I just kept writing the things of my heart, keeping the integrity of my content, and being proud of what my blog was.

But then I got a few shifts cut at work.  And then a few more.  And John and I talked about trying to build my blog into something a little more as a 2012 resolution, since I’d have additional time on my hands.  But I was so hesitant because I didn’t want my objective to spoil the journey–I didn’t want to have to write to an audience’s taste and consequently change the feel of my blog that I loved so dearly.

And I’ll tell you what–this blog has turned into everything I didn’t want it to be.  I worry about how people will take things I post, more than I ever worried about that before.  I don’t have as many “insights on life” posts, and a whole lotta “fluff” posts.  I hesitate talking about my religion because more and more people are finding my blog who aren’t LDS.  And to top it off, I have had writer’s block ever since John and I decided to go for it.

I just feel like a phony.

Like a poser.

I feel like I’m not being honest with myself, or being true to my heart.

So before this gets too out of hand, let’s get some things out on the table:

I will be posting about my Faith
Joseph Smith and all.
I will be posting about my post-pregnancy body–
flabby bum and all.
I will be posting about anxiety and depression–
medication and all.
I will be posting about my insights on marriage and family. 
And all.

I do recognize that there is a little line of privacy that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to bearing all to Blogland, and of course I’ll try to monitor my tact.  But I’m just saying that I am going to be real here on my little space of the internets.  I’m going to write for me, not for you.  And by doing that hopefully we’ll all benefit.

Thank you for indulging me.  I’m sure I wrote this post more to remind me to get back to my roots than to declare to you my intentions with lil’ Hopes and Dreams.  Hopefully this will get my brain working again so that I actually CAN write what I feel.  Now who’s ready for some fun!!

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10 comments

  1. Amy says:

    I really like this post! I sometimes feel like a phony on my blog too, like I’m trying to be a particular person for other people, not for me. I’m trying to write what others like to read, not what I like to write. So thanks for inspiring me to be a little more in tune to who I am, and what I want me blog to be about. Happy Wednesday 🙂

  2. Alycia (Crowley Party) says:

    p.s. I feel you on this post. Blogging is great! But once you get to a certain point it can have its up and downs in terms of finding a “fit” just keep being you and it will be great and what you want it to be!

  3. Jessica says:

    Good for you. Stay true to yourself. And remember, Heavenly Father sometimes has interesting ways of letting us know when maybe we’re supposed to take a different road than we originally thought. Just an idea…

  4. CKE says:

    I like this post! And I totally agree. This is the exact reason I haven’t tried to get any big following for my blog. I want to blog when I feel like it and what I feel like talking about… it’s kinda scary doing that if there’s a big audience! But of course that’s silly. People like reading honest opinions and insights on someone’s real life. Love you, Jess, and love your bloggy! 🙂

  5. Sarah Larsen says:

    Jessi, it was so fun meeting you last night! I just think you are so great. I think if you put your heart into your blog and be exactly who you are, people will be drawn to your unique and sweet personality. I’m sending you a little email!

  6. Ashlee says:

    so i just found your blog from sarah larsens blog and im glad i did! I have been complimented on my writng style and honesty also, and people have told me that I should make my blog more, and grow it. I am scared to do that though for the exact reason you have mentioned! I love to write about WHATEVER and i dont want my writing to be swayed by how i think others will react or what they will think, or what they want to hear. I have a passion for blogging, and I would love to be able to make it more, but I am scared to do so, in fear that it will change the ‘tone’ of my blog!
    Love this post! I am a new follower as of RIGHT NOW =)

    -Ashlee
    ashleewray.blogspot.com

  7. M.E. says:

    Yay! Keep writing, Jessi! In these PC times it is nice to read the posts of someone who says what they think, not what others think they should think. Blogging should be something you enjoy doing. I’m a quilter and when I started asking people what color they wanted on their quilts, what pattern, etc. the joy for me was lost. Now I just make quilts because I love to and give them to those I love. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

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