I have been blogging for over 2 and a half years now. It has been such an incredible outlet for me. I’ve always journaled, but blogging has allowed me to share my insights into life and connect on an emotional level with a lot of other people who have given me feedback and shared similar insights. It’s validating and empowering to know there are other people out there who have some of the same feelings you’ve had. It has also allowed me to feel close to people who are special to me, even though they may live far away.
My blog has been so important to me. In the past I only blogged when I had something burning inside of me to share, so I was always proud of the content. I had no desire to try to “build my following” because I didn’t want to have to worry about what an audience wanted to read. I just wanted to write what was inside of me. So I just kept writing the things of my heart, keeping the integrity of my content, and being proud of what my blog was.
But then I got a few shifts cut at work. And then a few more. And John and I talked about trying to build my blog into something a little more as a 2012 resolution, since I’d have additional time on my hands. But I was so hesitant because I didn’t want my objective to spoil the journey–I didn’t want to have to write to an audience’s taste and consequently change the feel of my blog that I loved so dearly.
And I’ll tell you what–this blog has turned into everything I didn’t want it to be. I worry about how people will take things I post, more than I ever worried about that before. I don’t have as many “insights on life” posts, and a whole lotta “fluff” posts. I hesitate talking about my religion because more and more people are finding my blog who aren’t LDS. And to top it off, I have had writer’s block ever since John and I decided to go for it.
I just feel like a phony.
Like a poser.
I feel like I’m not being honest with myself, or being true to my heart.
So before this gets too out of hand, let’s get some things out on the table:
I will be posting about my Faith—
Joseph Smith and all.
I will be posting about my post-pregnancy body–
flabby bum and all.
I will be posting about anxiety and depression–
medication and all.
I will be posting about my insights on marriage and family.
I do recognize that there is a little line of privacy that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to bearing all to Blogland, and of course I’ll try to monitor my tact. But I’m just saying that I am going to be real here on my little space of the internets. I’m going to write for me, not for you. And by doing that hopefully we’ll all benefit.
Thank you for indulging me. I’m sure I wrote this post more to remind me to get back to my roots than to declare to you my intentions with lil’ Hopes and Dreams. Hopefully this will get my brain working again so that I actually CAN write what I feel. Now who’s ready for some fun!!