Giving Thanks, part 7: Journal

Today I am grateful for my journal.  I haven’t recorded in it too much since I started the blog as a personal record, but it has proven to be a treasure.  I read back on some of my entries from when I first started dating John and throughout the development of our relationship, and it made me giddy to have him as mine, all over again.  Here are some highlights from what I read this morning:

“I have a date tonight with a guy named John H.  He’s in my ward.  I”m so grateful he asked me out.  He’s very kind and I just need a boy to be kind to me right now.  I don’t know if he’s particularly my type, though.  But I don’t even know what my type IS anymore.  Maybe he’ll surprise me.  It’s good timing, anyway.”

“Life.  It can be so funny sometimes.  Little did I know what Heavenly Father had in store for me when I went on that first date with John H.  Turns out that John did, in fact, surprise me.  And his love and compassion continue to surprise me, because it feels new every day.”

“Life is beautiful. A great source of the beauty in my life is my John H.  He raises me above myself and brings out something more than I am alone.  We are getting closer every day. … I was really scared at first but now I can’t stop thinking about being with him forever.  It’s so different with John.  Its so calming.  Our relationship is healthier and more light-hearted and fun than I ever could have hoped for.  He is perfect for me in ways I never thought to realize.  And he loves me so much.  It’s all just so easy with him. … I’m just so grateful I have him.  The Lord knows me so well.  And it makes me smile to think of how much He loves me, and believes in me, and trusts me.  His peace is real and I’m so grateful to feel it in my bones right now.” 

“He then took me back to his house and introduced me to the rest of his family.  I couldn’t believe how wonderful they all were!  Because of {past experiences} I was used to having my guard totally up, and turned into a skeptic when it came to peoples’ sincerity and genuineness.  But the H. family blew me away.  Erin, his mom, is a stone cold fox, first of all, and is hilarious.  We get along so well.  His brothers are so cute and great, too.  Tanner and Marshall.  HIs brother just younger than him, James, died in a hiking accident when John was on his mission.  They also adopted libby from China when John was on his mission.  We’ve talked about that a little, but I don’t want to pry into those extremely personal feelings yet.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.  I have so much respect for John and his family.  His dad, John Sr., is such a neat man and I feel really safe with him.  He’s a radiologist and my mom has heard that he is such a good doctor and an even better man. … This family.  Oh my goodness.  They are all angels.  Literally.  They have this glow about them, I call it the H. glow.  Their countenances are all so bright.  I felt so comfortable in their home that night.  It was such a contrast from {past experiences.}  It was like home.” 

“John definitely loves me out loud, for all the world to see and hear.  He has told me that he’s just so proud of me and to have me.  He certainly has renewed my faith in men and in myself and I don’t worry anymore.  I’m not quite sure what that means, because who knows if John H. will be the man I marry.  But I am just not worried anymore.  Worry of any kind is gone.  I’m at the point now where I think to myself, “Was I ever worried?  Was I ever sad?  Was I ever afraid of being abandoned?  Was I ever betrayed?”  John has made up for all of it.  Heavenly Father has made up for all of it.  I love John so much and am so grateful Father has blessed me with this experience.  I am a new woman because of it.”

I love our love story, and I love John for making it real.

our second date, July 24 2009: 4 months before
we would get married
the night JW fell in love with me
October 17, 2009
our wedding announcement picture
man and wife