Chain of thoughts…..

My husband will tell you that my brain can, and often does, shift gears in the middle of sentences, tasks, punch lines, thoughts, etc.  It’s part of the struggles I face being a genius.  I have self-diagnosed ADD.  Sometimes it’s more ailing than others, and the past few days my brain has been racing to keep up with the countless and disconnected thoughts poopping in there (I meant to write popping, but thought that “poopping” was funny, so I left it.), interrupting each other.  For example…I woke up quite refreshed this morning at 5:00.  My first thought was, “Wow!  I feel great for having to wake up so early.  I should blog about this today.”  which lead to:

“I wonder if anyone really reads my blog anyway.  Not that that’s why I’m doing it (but of course that’s part of why anyone does it).  I enjoy personal record keeping passionately.  But I think of amazing bloggers like nie nie and c jane and gay mormon guy and wonder if I have enough of a life to really be inspirational like them, even in just my own circle of influence.”

“Gay Mormon guy is a very true hero of mine.  I want to have the kind of faith he has, so I’m choosing to.  I wish I could meet him and be best friends with him.” 

“Friendship is not something I take lightly.  Sometimes I wonder if my friends know how much I love them and if they recognize that I really try to be a good, true friend.  Not that if they didn’t I would stop trying.”

“I miss Tricia.  I wonder if she knows how much she means to me, and how much she has helped me through some crummy times because of her sustaining belief in me.  I am in awe of her brain.  She is so smart and articulate and fun and funny and uses all of her talents for good.  I am in awe of her heart, too.”

“I can’t believe Erin‘s husband’s friend had a sudden heart attack and died.  He was in great physical shape and was on a big bike ride when it happened?  He was only 45 and left behind a young family?  Life is so fragile.  Erin knows that from some other awful things she has faced, and John knows that because of James.  I see it around me, but have yet to really face it personally.  That is a scary thought.”

“I guess betrayal is sort of like a death.  But I have a feeling that that is something only a person who hasn’t personally experienced the death of a loved one would say.”

“I loved Tricia’s post on a fulfilling death.  I want to re-read that.”

“I wish I had a good book to read.  I wish I was a lower-maintanance reader, and that I could find enjoyment in lots of different types of books.  I guess I can to a degree, but my ADD inhibits me from delving into something unless I absolutely LOVE it.”

“I really want to be better at studying my scriptures every day.  John is incredible at this.  He still prioritizes study time the same way you do as a missionary.  Every day, thirty minutes, taking notes.  I have never met anyone who loves the scriptures as much as my husband.”

“I miss my mission.  I wonder if I really made a difference.  I miss Joanne.  I’m sad that she isn’t active anymore, and that her family blames the church for her struggles.  Part of me feels like I failed on my mission, but I know that doesn’t come from Heavenly Father.  I can honestly say I did the best I could with my circumstances.  Ireland isn’t known for being an easy mission.  No mission is, really.  The members are amazing there, though.  I miss Anne Marie and her boys.  And Palesa.  And Stephanie Gubler.  And Donna and Steven and their kids.  I think I’m gonna cry…”

“I have an ugly cry.”

“I think my hair is ugly, but I can’t decide.  I’m sick of trying to grow it out, but I have to keep my promise to myself to keep growing it out until Tanner gets home.  My roots are awful right now!  I think I would feel differently about my hair if I got my roots done.  And a wee trim.”

“I wish Angie didn’t live in Jackson Hole.  If I miss her coming into town then I have to go a whole nother (yes, I just slapped the word “whole” in the middle of the word “another.”) three months to get my hair done!  I guess I could just go to someone else, but I think I would feel like I’m cheating on Angie if I do.  Then I’d have to explain why I still don’t need to get my hair done the next time she comes into town.  And I would probably lie about it, and then I’d have to cover my tracks and it would get all sticky.  Plus Angie gives me an awesome deal because I’m such a loyal client.  What am I gonna do?!?!?!”

“This space heater is rocking my world.  I hate being cold, but I LOVE the winter because my winter clothes are cuter than my other clothes.”

Target has such cute stuff right now.  I hope one day we’re rich enough that I can go in there and just get the clothes I want!  And to help people adopt children.  Erin has  friends that have done that, and I think that is incredible.”

“My heart longs to adopt.  I would adopt right now if I could.  A little brown baby boy.  One came in to work the other day and I almost started crying.  My heart started flying.  It was kind of spiritual for me.”

Crying and flying rhyme.”

“I really want to start working on my childrens book entiltled There’s an Elephant in Easky.  It’s been my brain child ever since Brynn and I were driving along the tiny road lined with stone fences and grazing sheep in a little Irish town called Easky.  That huge boulder in the middle of one of the fields looked just like an elephant!!  And thus, a star was born.  I want to find someone who can illustrate it for me, but I can’t decide on the kind of illustrations I want, so I don’t know what kind of artist to ask.  I have tons of super talented friends, but I don’t know where to begin!  And what if I don’t like the illustrations?  I can’t FIRE a friend!  Maybe I’ll just illustrate it myself…. “

“I really want to make a red skirt!  Every time I go into Ross I look to see if they have a red skirt like the one I saw a few months ago but decided to not get and have regretted ever since.  I have a super cute pattern for a skirt, I just need to buckle down and do it!”

“Wow, I drank a quart of water since getting to work at 7:00, and it’s only 8:12 am.  And I don’t even have to go to the bathroom!  Fascinating.”

“I need to call Dean Kalin and schedule those voice lessons my mom bought for me two Christmases ago.  I wonder if I’ll regret not doing very much with my voice.  I really want to make a CD for my friends and family, but the timing has never been right.  Or the funding.  For sure one day.”

“I should probably get some work done.  I love working at Hand and Ortho.  I am surprised at how easy it is for me to work full time.  I never thought I’d be able to do this, but it’s not as big a deal as I had imagined.  The girls I work with are darling, and the office work is fun enough.  It’s not extremely noble, like TKJ was, but someone’s gotta do it!  For a paycheck and benifits, and being able to leave work at work, I’ll take it!””

“I can’t wait until my mom and I finish my earo shams and coverlett!!!  And I can’t wait to paint my bedside tables and kitchen table red.  And I can’t wait to move to our new place!”

Then my brain calmed down.  For now.

editor’s note:  After I posted this with the origional picture, I got this email from my dear mother: “did you realize that is a naked girl??”

No I did not realize that.  The picture has now been changed:)           



  1. Lexi says:

    I loved this. I noticed that a lot of your thoughts were about people you loved or ideas you had and that says a lot about a person!

    And just wondering – is your favorite color red?

  2. Jessica says:

    hahaha, it totally isn’t, but red nightstands go great with my new bedding 🙂 It is a darling color, though!

    Love you and so glad to hear your baby boy is great!!

  3. The Curtis Couple says:

    Just a side note-
    I am an avid follower of Hopes and Dreams! My blog will say which blogs have been updated and the second I see yours has, I hop right now! I get so excited because I am inspired by your writing. I think you are very talented!
    And where are you moving too?! HOpefully we can catch up on all of that tonight!!!
    loves and kisses


  4. CKE says:

    I like this post! 🙂 I have so many random thoughts going on too and I like your idea to just put them all in one post. I have so many random posts started and then saved as drafts! I totally know what you mean about wondering if you can be inspiring like other people that you read. I definitely feel the itch to write something really meaningful, but it would be wayyy too long of a post! A book maybe? ANYWAY, I read your blog. I think I’ve read every post. Yep I have. 🙂 And I am a huge fan. Of your blog and of you. I even had a dream with you in it the other night! lol okay that sounded creepy… (I was reading your blog before I went to sleep-hence the dream) The point is that you have one creepy (?) fan here in me whether you like it or not. 🙂

  5. CKE says:

    Umm so something about my comment was bugging me and I just realized what it was. When I said I’d wanna write something inspirational but I’d be “way too long of a post” I didn’t mean that I am just spouting with so much inspiration that a mere blog post couldn’t handle it all- I meant that I’d have to try to write for a LONG time before something minorly inspirational came along! haha! Man, that did NOT come out right the first time!! 😉

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