School has started and we are adjusting to the new schedule. James has fallen asleep the last few days after getting home from school because it’s non-stop fun all morning for him at Young Fives. We miss him each day, but to say he loves it would be a gross understatement.
Which leads me to my next point… you may know that we are currently staying with family until our place becomes vacated at the end of September. Or, so the plan went. There are a lot of things coming to our attention recently that may turn all of our plans upside down in order to keep James at his current school on and the education timeline we feel is best for him (he has a summer birthday and we want him to start kindergarten next year instead of right now…hence, young fives.) Things just seem to be a lot more difficult here than they would be in Utah. I don’t need to go into detail, but as I am advocating for my child I am feeling more stress and anxiety and crying more about the future than ever before. It is so difficult for me to be in a situation where other variables that shouldn’t feel entitled to butt in on my parenting are practically forcing me to do things against my will for my son.
And I know people think, “It’s just kindergarten, are you seriously kidding me right now? Who cares if he goes now or next year?” Well, we do. And at this point, with the information we have, we feel like it’s worth throwing all of our current plans into the wind and completely pivoting in a different direction. It’ll mean a higher rent for a smaller place that we haven’t even found yet, it’ll mean leaving our ward (church congregation) and starting out fresh in a new one, it might even mean I have to find some sort of real job. But I feel like our babies are at a stage now where we can’t just drag them around where we want to go, we have to start making big decisions (like where to live) based on their needs and best interests. This is the most adult I have ever felt, and I am flipping terrified. I’m having a hard time deciphering between divine impressions (which I fully believe in and rely upon) and what I want (and may be blinded by) and keep going back and forth with pros and cons that don’t seem to be making a case for either side. This all means I am not sleeping at night, am breaking out and getting a tad chubbier than I was last month. All to be stuck in the same place without knowing which direction is forward. I just need to remember that what’s most important is who I get to take with me wherever we end up. We can do hard things together. We can live anywhere as long as we are all under the same roof. As long as we are together, we can make anything work as long as we work.